she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
