so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
