Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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