I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
