two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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