He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
