I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
