At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
