He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's the barista slut.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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