Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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