Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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