she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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