So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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