My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
