your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
