yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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