I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
