What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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