i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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