It's Friday. Sex?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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