It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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