Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...