we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.