I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
