I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga