im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
