i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
