Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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