I smell stomach acid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
