I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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