Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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