I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
