I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
