I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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