so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
