I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
