Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
