Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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