At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
