can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
