I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
