yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
