just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
