Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
