I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
