Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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