dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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