All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
