Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
