I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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