Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
