we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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