I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
