5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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