We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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