She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
