Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
