wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
