help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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