maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize