Can Purell be used as lube?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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