Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
