i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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