It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
