Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
