whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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