She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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