I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
