I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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