my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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