so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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