mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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