If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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