Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Success! We fucked roommates!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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