so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
