Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think i got beer on your cat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
